163/ NEON SUMMER

I bought this neon duster years ago and I remember that day vividly. My friends and I were shopping at H&M in Montreal (before H&M came to Ottawa) and I found it on the sales rack. I wasn't going to get it because I thought that I'd never actually wear it. Two of my friends, and the $5 price tag, convinced me that I needed it in my life.

It has since become a staple in my summer wardrobe. I have blogged about this piece a lot (1,2,3) and I love it more and more each year. I've worn it to the beach, on dates, to work, to music festivals and just about everywhere in between.

I originally hesitated to buy it because I have always been told that as a fat person, I should aim to take up as little space as possible. To go unnoticed, to stay out of everyone's way and to blend in. This neon duster is a huge middle finger to all of that nonsense. I deserve to be seen, I deserve to take up space and I deserve to rock the bright pieces that I love.

DUSTER/ H&M TOP/ Forever 21+ PANTS/ Penningtons (similar)
SHOES/ Urban Outfitters BAG CHARM/ Ardene
HANDBAG/ Louis Vuitton Multicolore Pochette (via consignment // similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

139/ DONE

I first saw this cactus crop top from Forever 21 a little while ago and I've longed for it since. It didn't come home with me until recently for one simple reason: I was afraid.

Afraid of my arms showing. Of my stomach showing. Of wearing the wrong bra with it and having that show, too.

I've never really been afraid of my body so these feelings were pretty new to me. The feelings are still pretty hard to process; but I guess that's what it is, it's a process.

As someone with a fat body - I am tired of overdressing, overcompensating and apologizing.

I am fat and no amount of layers or black pieces of clothing is going to change that. That is something that I've come to terms with. It's definitely not my biggest insecurity, but it is something that I'm hyper aware of. It's my body, I have to live with it every day and I'm going to try to put on whatever makes me happy. The second that I decided to forego wearing typically 'flattering' clothes is the day that I started falling in love with fashion again.

And honestly? I'm done with hiding. My arms. My scars. My fat. My body. My personality. I'm twenty-four years old and I want the world to see me for who I am and clothes give me the confidence to do that.

When I finally bought this crop top, I felt free. I put it on as soon as I came home from the mall and I took the photos pictured below. I set up my camera on a tripod, put on the self timer and staged my own mini photo shoot. They're not the best quality pictures in the world, but I love them. I look so carefree, happy and confident in them and I want the world to know that version of me.

This post is more of a rant than anything else. It's extremely personal and if it makes little to no sense, I give little to no cares. It makes sense in my head in my heart. Wearing what makes you feel your best can be a very hard, and sometimes dangerous, thing to do for some people and I respect and understand that. I would never judge someone because of that. I guess what I'm saying in all of this is that I'm coming to terms with my body and I no longer want my personal style to reflect what society wants/expects of me. It's going to be an immensely personal journey and I'm hoping that my future (and recent) posts will reflect it.

TOP & JEANS/ Forever 21+

STYLE ICON/ thirteen

BRODY DALLE

I know it's not Saturday, but it has been FOREVER since I've done a Style Icon Saturday post. In all honesty, I've been running out of people. But tonight while listening to music I thought to myself, "OH MY GOD. BRODY DALLE. OH MY GOD HOW COULD I FORGET BRODY DALLE!?!!"

I feel like a horrible person, so to rectify the situation I'm putting this post up as soon as humanly possible. Seems logical, right? In reality I should have started this entire segment with her. She has influenced my personal style way more than anyone else I have posted about in the past. The Distillers were one of my favourite bands growing up, and one of the only rock bands I listened to that was fronted by a woman (other than No Doubt). I would always see pictures and videos of her and think to myself "this is who I want to be". I have never, in my entire life, been the type of person to actually want to be someone else, but with Brody it was different. 

And it wasn't always just about fashion, either. Although I loved her lipstick, her ever-changing hair and her use of patterns (leopard, plaid, ect), she just had this wonderful carefree attitude that I wanted to emulate. In my eyes she did whatever she wanted and she didn't care what anyone had to say about it. I wanted to be that person. I had to be that person. She was just so cool and I was always fascinated by her. Her attitude is what initially inspired me to stop caring what others thought of me. So although I never really looked like a carbon copy of Brody, I tried to mimic her way of thinking. (Or how I imagined her to think) In all honesty, it has worked wonders for me over the years. It is because of her that I am such a confident person and it is because of her that I'm not afraid to be myself. I don't know how my self esteem would be if I didn't have her to look up to when I was younger. She was one of the first women in music that I noticed to stand out, and I truly admired that about her. I still admire that about her.

Although she has matured a lot since she was in The Distillers, and I've grown up a lot since then too, I believe that we still hold those values true. I owe this woman so much, and I'm truly lucky to have grown up with a role model like her. 

The Young Crazed Peeling by The Distillers

source: willthefire

sources: lipglosgrrrl, listal, fotolog, fanpop

STYLE ICON SATURDAY/ two

Ladies and gentlemen, 

BETH DITTO
Mary Beth Patterson

If you're not familiar with who she is, let's first look at her accomplishments. She is an extremely talented singer (lead singer of The Gossip and does solo work). She has collaborated with UK plus sized clothing store, Evans, and released her own clothing line through them. She also worked with MAC, releasing a makeup line with them this past summer. She is a spokesperson for LGBT and feminist groups and has walked the runway for Jean Paul Gaultier, opening his Spring 2011 show during Paris Fashion week. All of that is remarkable, and I haven't even touched on her personal style yet.

source: Jezebel

In my mind, this woman isn't afraid of anything. She is willing to take any fashion risk possible and she makes it work. I believe her to be the perfect role model for plus sized women everywhere. She works with what she has and she never lets her weight hold her back. I mean, why would she? She's perfect the way she is. She's a fantastic role model for fat acceptance and she has accomplished so much in her life - I can't wait to see what she does next.

She inspires me daily and I wish to someday have even half the level of confidence and bravery she has. 

sources: diversityinfashion blog, the gloss, the times uk

Her fashions are only apart of her look. Her hair is ever changing and her makeup is always outrageous. I'm not 100% sure who her makeup artist is, or if she does it herself, but it is always flawless. She has the ability to drastically change her look with her makeup and it wasn't a surprise to me when MAC Cosmetics first announced their collaboration. Her makeup is one of the many things I envy about her. Her confidence, of course, being the number one trait of hers I wish I had, though her makeup skills aren't too far behind.

source: wallpapers

I will end this with the photo below. It is a picture of Beth with Kate Moss and Karl Lagerfeld. Both Kate and Karl have been caught "fat shaming" in the past (with Kate Moss' famous quote and Karl Lagerfeld's comment on Adele's weight) so it's refreshing to see the both of them respecting her in the world of fashion.

source: telegraph fashion

I don't want the world, I only want what I deserve. 

(Yr Mangled Heart by Gossip)

None of these photos belong to me, all photos have been referenced back to the original sources.