166/ ROCK'N'ROLL BARBIE

These pictures were taken on one of my last weekends in Ottawa. I decided to switch up my hair before my big move and I could not be happier with the results! Having short hair really cuts down the amount of time I need in the morning to get ready and it was a great way to refresh my style.

I wore this look to debut my new hair and to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday. We went for Greek food with a bunch of her friends and then to Greekfest after for some dancing. It was such a fun time!!

I've worn this tutu a handful of times (and I've blogged about it here) and I just adore it. The skirt paired with my cropped faux leather jacket is match made in heaven; it makes me feel very rock'n'roll Barbie and that's honestly something that I strive for on a daily basis. It's cartoonish without being too childish and rocker while still being femme / without being too aggressive. I feel more like myself in this outfit than in anything else and I think you can really tell by the expression on my face in the pictures below. I feel comfortable, relaxed and myself - and that's truly the best look of all.

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TANK/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Freckles SHOES/ Betsey Johnson

HANDBAG/ Alexander Wang 'Mini Rockie' BAG CHARM/ Forever 21(similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

165/ CHANGES

These pictures have been sitting on my computer for far too long. I took these back in August and so much has changed since then. I have been MIA from the blog for a bit, but not without good reason. I quit my job. I moved cities. I'm going back to school. I'm doing this all at the age of 25.

For someone who is absolutely terrified of change, this is huge for me. My life back in Ottawa was so comfortable. I was surrounded by people that I love (and that love me), I was at the same job that I enjoyed working for nearly six years (!!!), my life was perfectly routine and secure. I was happy but I needed something that scared me - I needed a change.

So here I am, writing this blog post in a cafe around the corner from my new place in Toronto. It's scary terrifying, but I'm confident in my decision and I can't wait to see where this adventure takes me.

TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Burlington Coat Factory 

SHOES/ H&M BAG/ Thrifted (no brand)

Photos by Sue Waugh

164/ ON REPEAT

I've talked about outfit repeating several times on this blog - it's something that I do often and it's something that I've never been ashamed about. I never understood why ~fashion~ people look down upon it. If I own pieces that I love, I'm going to wear them. A lot.

This look is tweaked version of what I wore in a recent post. It's something that I feel both comfortable and confident in so I decided to wear it again. And again... And again... And again.

I sometimes swap out statement or outerwear pieces so that the looks aren't exactly the same. Like in this look vs what I wore in my post about anxiety - the basics are the same (I'm wearing the exact same top and skirt) but I switched the faux leather jacket for a floral duster and I swapped out the accessories. Making simple adjustments to an outfit that you already adore is a great way to breathe more life into it. It's also a great way to make use out of things that you already own.

This fringed floral duster from the Melissa McCarthy x Seven7 line is everything I want in a piece of clothing and more. I love how it adds character to plain and boring outfits. It's so bold and eccentric that it goes with everything, it even looks fabulous with pieces that it clashes with. I consider this look a bit more fun and it's definitely more suitable for the day time compared to the leather jacket look. I've been dying to wear this duster and I finally found the perfect day to do so. I bought it at the end of the season on super sale last year and it's just been sitting in my closet taunting me since. The weather here has been rainy and gloomy until recently so I couldn't justify breaking this bad boy out. Expect to see it a lot now that summer weather is officially here. 

DUSTER/ Melissa McCarthy x Seven7 via Penningtons TOP/ Forever 21+
SKIRT/ Penningtons (similar) BELT/ Addition Elle (similar) SHOES/ Vans

HANDBAG/ H&M (similar) LIPSTICK/ Fuchsia by Joe Fresh

SUNGLASSES/ eyebuydirect

Photos by Laura Kidd

163/ NEON SUMMER

I bought this neon duster years ago and I remember that day vividly. My friends and I were shopping at H&M in Montreal (before H&M came to Ottawa) and I found it on the sales rack. I wasn't going to get it because I thought that I'd never actually wear it. Two of my friends, and the $5 price tag, convinced me that I needed it in my life.

It has since become a staple in my summer wardrobe. I have blogged about this piece a lot (1,2,3) and I love it more and more each year. I've worn it to the beach, on dates, to work, to music festivals and just about everywhere in between.

I originally hesitated to buy it because I have always been told that as a fat person, I should aim to take up as little space as possible. To go unnoticed, to stay out of everyone's way and to blend in. This neon duster is a huge middle finger to all of that nonsense. I deserve to be seen, I deserve to take up space and I deserve to rock the bright pieces that I love.

DUSTER/ H&M TOP/ Forever 21+ PANTS/ Penningtons (similar)
SHOES/ Urban Outfitters BAG CHARM/ Ardene
HANDBAG/ Louis Vuitton Multicolore Pochette (via consignment // similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

162/ LIVING WITH ANXIETY

I've been sitting here trying to figure out what to write for this post for what seems like forever. To add some context - these pictures were taken two weeks ago. I keep going back and forth trying to decide between writing about the outfit itself or the anxiety attack that I experienced that night. In one of my latest posts (Beyond the Instagram) I discussed being more honest with myself and with my social media so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I have lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It has always been a constant and dependable thing in my life. It comes in many forms, but I mainly live with social anxiety. I'm a textbook introvert and can be extremely shy at times - all of this tied in with being anxious in social settings has affected my life in more ways than I care to admit. It's still not an easy thing for me to talk about, but I think it's important for me to do so.

I have good days and bad days. Some days I can go out, talk to new people and do all of the things that I want to do but some days I just can't. I can't put into words how difficult that can be. It's like there's a road block or a fence; you're standing on the other side, wanting to participate, you can see everybody else having a good time but you just can't. The night that these pictures were taken was one of those nights.

It started out well. I was having a good time and I was surrounded by some of my closest friends, some of the people that I feel the most safe around. But anxiety doesn't care about that sort of thing. We were at a club that I am semi familiar with (I've been a handful of times) but the second that I stepped out for fresh air, it all hit me. I began to panic. There are too many people in the club. It's too hot in the club. I don't know the music. I don't want to talk to anyone or look at anyone. There are people everywhere. When I (reluctantly) reentered the club, I felt the walls closing in. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. That is an absolute horrible feeling and I'm sorry if that's something that you can relate to. I grabbed my friend, Michael, by the arm the second we reentered and told him we had to leave ASAP. I found the rest of our group on the dance floor and explained the situation.

I'm extremely fortunate to be surrounded by people who understand what it's like to live with anxiety disorders. My friends were all understanding. Michael and I left that bar and headed to one that I was more comfortable being in. We ended the night by dancing to Beyonce and Rihanna and I was finally to able to breathe. It took a bit of time, but I finally felt at ease.

Knowing my surroundings and being surrounded by people that I feel safe around are key for me during anxiety attacks. I had a pretty mild attack that night and something small like a change of scenery was all that I needed, but sometimes it takes a lot more to feel comfortable and safe.

I just want to throw it out there that if you've ever felt like this, you are not alone. Anxiety is a painful and scary thing to live with. It comes in many forms and has ton of different symptoms. This just scratches the surface for me. It can feel like a cruel joke when a social event that I've been excited about for months turns into a nightmare, sometimes without a distinct trigger, and it's not fair. It can feel like a joke, but it's 100% real. Nothing about it is fair but it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

*** There are a ton of great resources online if you'd like to read more about what anxiety is or how to care for yourself during an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks are extremely personal things, meaning that no two people will experience it the same way. What works for me may not work for you. What works for you sometimes may not work for you other times. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed about. Seeing someone like a doctor or counsellor, while it is not for everyone, can be an important step for some people. You are not weak for living with anxiety (or any other mental illness), you are not weak for seeking help, you are not weak for doing what you need to do during an attack and your feelings during anxiety attacks are 100% valid. 

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Penningtons (similar)

TIGHTS/ Addition Elle (similar) SHOES/ Old Navy (thrifted / similar)
HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff LIPSTICK/ Sephora 'Cream Lip Stain' in 001 Always Red

Photos by Michael Tundo

161/ BREAK THE RULES

I've been told time and time again that fat bodies shouldn't wear baggy clothes but here I am loving life, looking great and not having a single care. I love to play around with different shapes, patterns and silhouettes.

Fashion and personal style, to me anyways, is about what makes me happy and never about what people expect of me. The second that I started dressing for me, and not for anyone else, was the second that I really started loving what I was wearing. My confidence levels soar when I'm wearing an outfit that I love and that confidence continues into other aspects off my life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wore this look to my friend Michael's birthday a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't feeling my best so I was looking to wear something a bit dramatic to hopefully distract people from how dead I looked and felt. This is what I came up with and I'm super happy with it. 

I love how big and boxy these pants are. They're nothing like the typical skin tight black skinny jeans that I'm used to wearing. The length, much like me, is awkward as hell. That's okay, though, because I love when I'm able to show off a bit of ankle.

The pointed toe Chelsea boots that I've paired with this look are a thrift store find and I wear them almost every chance I get - they're about as high as I can go in a heel and I've learned to accept that.

Ok but this top. THIS TOP!! This top makes me look bigger than I am and that's something that I absolutely love about it. It definitely isn't a flattering piece, but if you know me, you know that's something I have never cared about. Gingham is one of my true loves and the dramatic peplum is something that my wardrobe was lacking. This is definitely a piece that I can just throw on and look put together. It's the perfect statement and I can't remember the last time that I was this in love with a something in my wardrobe.

The burgundy moto jacket and my studded Alexander Wang bag are the two pieces that tie everything together and give this ensemble my signature edge.

JACKET/ Love & Legend (similar) TOP/ Victoria Beckham x Target

PANTS/ H&M+ (similar) BOOTS/ Old Navy (thrifted - similar)

HANDBAG/ Alexander Wang Mini Rockie

Photos by Laura Kidd

160/ BEYOND THE INSTAGRAM

Social media can be very misleading sometimes. Take the day that these pictures were taken for example. My friends and I planned on going to a fair that was happening down the street from my house. We went out to dinner beforehand, the dinner wasn't the best and we were sitting on the patio even though it was cold outside and we were all freezing. But of course we had to take Snaps of us sipping sangria like we were having the time of our lives. After dinner we headed to the fair where Laura and I took these pictures. We went in with the intention of staying for awhile, grabbing some treats and going on some rides but it just didn't work out. The fair, of course, was child sized and the probability of us even fitting on the rides was slim to none. We did, however, buy a bucket of donuts. After we ate our donuts and snapped some pictures, we went home.

We still had a really good time and we were laughing about everything as it happened but a lightbulb sort of went off in my head after. If you were to view any of my social media from that day it would have looked like we were having the time of our lives even though almost nothing went right behind the scenes. I try to display my most authentic self on my social media accounts but sometimes I slip up and I don't realize what I'm doing. There's often a thin line between reality and what we put out there in the social world. Even if you try your best to be conscious about what you're putting out there, it isn't always 100% real. It's almost impossible to be 100% real.

I try my best to post pictures of me without makeup or of Snapchats of me doing mundane things, but it's still just a highlights reel. Even though I'm fairly confident in myself and my sometimes boring life, I would never post pictures of me at my worst. Yes, I'll post filterless makeup free pictures, but only when my skin or hair is cooperating that day. Yes, I'll post pictures of my bedroom and videos of my friends being goofy, but that's after I cleaned up my space or chose the exact right moment to hit record. I would never post raw pictures of me at my worst. You'll never see a sleepless night or a picture during or after a breakdown on any of my social media. (Tweets and the odd Tumblr post are the exception)

I'm not writing this to expose myself or anybody else - I'm just writing this to tell people to take everything with a grain of salt. Like most things in life, you don't really know the whole story. Social media has a way of making things look flawless, fun and sometimes it can make the person on the other end (the person viewing these posts) feel like they're missing out. That feeling is totally understandable, it's something that everyone goes through now and then, but it's important to take a step back and to remember that there's more than meets the eye.

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TOP/ Forever 21+ (similar) SKIRT/ JCPenney (similar)

HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff SHOES/ Nike (similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

154/ HOW I STYLE A PLEATED SKIRT

Pleated skirts have the ability to elevate an ensemble. They effortlessly mix textures, materials and designs. I love how they add a bit of luxe to a look as well. For this outfit I paired my skirt with a classic striped top, my new favourite burgundy moto jacket, a pair of chelsea boots and a beaded handbag for some added personality.

I'm not really one to follow trends but this is one that I can really get behind. I have a shorter one (pictured below) and a midi length one in my collection and I'm really hoping to expand. I love how you can dress this trend up with a glitzy top or dress it down with a band tee. I love how versatile this trend is and I'm always on the hunt for more. I could honestly live in this kind of skirt - it's comfortable while still looking chic. If that's not perfection, I don't know what is.

Although there are a few pleated skirts on ASOS that I'm lusting over, you really don't have to spend a lot of money to play with this trend. I found my longer one (that I've blogger about here and here) at a thrift store years ago, and I'm constantly finding pieces in similar materials and cuts almost every time I thrift. The market is currently saturated with these skirts and I'm 100% here for it. A lot of fast fashion / high street brands are fully stocked with a wide range of colours and textures too. It's always fun to me to see how different people or different retailer style pieces, so I'm watching this trend like a hawk to get more and more inspiration.

This is one trend that I don't see fading any time soon, and even if it does I'll still rock the hell out of it. I really just love it that much.

JACKET/ Love & Legends TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Michel Studio 

BOOTS/ Old Navy (thrifted) HANDBAG/ H&M HAIR CLIPS/ Dollarama

Photos by Derek Waugh

151/ SUPERSTAR

There are so many different elements to this outfit that I'm absolutely in love with.

Let's talk about the skirt. I adore how it hits just below the knee and the pleats look fantastic when the wind picks up a little. It was a thrifted piece that I'm happy to have found. I wear it constantly and it can be worn with just about anything in my wardrobe. I've dressed it up, I've dressed it down and I keep coming back to it.

The jacket is something that I found on consignment. I've worn it in a ton of different posts. It's fitted and the coated denim, mixed with the moto cut, gives it a rock'n'roll feel. It's perfect to layer on those not so cold but still brisk autumn days. Eileen Fisher is my favourite clothing brand but it is completely out of my budget so I always look for it secondhand.

The backpack and the shoes were recent purchases. I bought them both last week and I've worn them every day since they came into my life. I really don't know what I did, or what I wore, before I got them.

The Adidas Superstar shoes were on my 'to buy' list for years and years and I don't know why I didn't take the plunge before. They are the most comfortable shoes that I currently own and they're incredibly timeless. I know that I will be wearing them until the soles wear out and when that happens I'll definitely run out to the store to pick up a replacement. 

The Matt & Nat backpack is something that I've been coveting for awhile now, too. I'm thrilled that I waited on this, though. I was ready to buy it full price but something in me kept telling me to hold off. It finally came into my life by the way of consignment and I couldn't be more in love with it. It is able to carry all of my belongings without feeling too heavy and it looks and feels chic with every outfit.

JACKET/ Eileen Fisher TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Thrifted (no brand) 

SHOES/ Adidas Superstars BAG/ Matt & Nat NECKLACE/ H&M

LIPSTICK/ Too Faced 'Melted Violet'

Photos by Chris MacMartin

149/ FLORAL DRESS

I don't really know what else to say other than I love this dress. I bought it on sale at H&M yesterday and I could not wait to show it off.

I wore this look to work today and although the weather was a bit too chilly to wear the dress alone, I said to hell with it and did it anyway. SANS JACKET, might I add. Will I ever dress appropriately for the weather? Probably not but whatever. I paired this magnificent floral midi dress with my Dr. Marten boots to make the outfit a bit more ~Rosie~ and to bring a bit of an edginess to it. I'm a huge fan of this look so just a warning to my friends in real life - I will be wearing this ensemble to death and I'm not at all sorry about it.

DRESS&BAG&NECKLACE/ H&M BOOTS/ Dr. Martens

LIPSTICK/ NYX Lingerie

Photos by Sue Waugh

148/ LIVE FOR LAYERING

I live for layering and I'm thrilled that I finally get to (slowly) transition into my autumn wardrobe.

I picked up this light pink double breasted blazer a little while ago and I've been itching to wear it. It's the perfect piece to dress up or down. I decided to go a bit more casual with this look so I paired it with my Alexander McQueen skull scarf, basic black skinny jeans and my trusty Dr. Marten boots.

This look is so me and it gives me an extra boost of confidence. I walk tall when I wear my Dr. Martens and I feel luxurious when I wear my skull scarf. What more could you want in an outfit? I look forward to wearing these pieces a lot in the upcoming months.

BLAZER/ Penningtons TOP/ H&M+ JEANS/ Forever 21+ 

BOOTS/ Dr. Martens SCARF/ Alexander McQueen HANDBAG/ 3.1 Phillip Lim

Photos by Sue Waugh

146/ BACK TO BASICS

I have a weird relationship with basics. On one hand I see their role in fashion and I understand their purpose. On the other hand they confuse and even frighten me. How am I supposed to feel like myself when I look like everybody else? That's what goes through my mind when I put on something simple like a white top paired with blue jeans.

I do, however, try my best to make every ensemble my own by mixing in a handful of interesting features or textures. The raw hem on the jeans pictured below is my favourite trend in denim right now. I absolutely love how effortless and carefree it is. The blouse that I'm wearing is about two sizes too big and I love the oversized silhouette against the tight skinny legs. Of course it wouldn't be one of my looks without dashes of pink here and there so I went for a (subtle) pink lip, a fuzzy bag charm and hot pink nails. I really feel as though I've made this classic look my own.

And isn't that what personal style is all about? Taking something that has been done a million times and making it your own? I feel like I've come a long way through my personal style evolution revolution. I'm proud to say that this is the happiest I've ever been with my wardrobe and because of that I feel extremely comfortable and confident. It is such a great feeling. It is extremely difficult to find your own personal style, especially when you're plus sized, but that's a different post for a different time.

TOP/ Penningtons JEANS/ Old Navy SHOES/ Birkenstock

HANDBAG/ Longchamp via consignment BAG CHARM/ Ardene

Photos by Sue Waugh

145/ BEAT THE HEAT

I wear these wide leg cropped trousers from H&M as much as humanly possible. I love how short and stout they make me look. I love playing with silhouettes and prospective. I think it's so important to go against the grain when it comes to fashion. It's easy to fall into a style rut but I recommend picking up pieces in stores that you wouldn't typically go for. Try them on and see how the piece makes you feel. That's what I did with these trousers and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

The silk scarf around my neck made me feel like a flight attendant and I absolutely loved it. It is such a fun and easy way to liven up and outfit. A scarf tied around your neck is a great and unexpected alternative to a necklace and it's a lot easier to wear than I thought it would be. You can tie it in a million and one different ways, and they all look great. For this look I just sloppily tied it around my neck and knotted it twice - et voilà! - super chic, but with minimal effort, and no one's the wiser.

BLAZER/ Junarose TOP&PANTS/ H&M+ SCARF/ Pierre Balmain

HANDBAG/ Thrifted SHOES/ Urban Behavior

134/ THAT '70S REVIVAL

Confession: I often prefer vintage inspired pieces to actual pieces from that era. The quality is definitely not the same, but I find that a lot of inspired pieces fit my shape better. It's extremely hard to find clothes that fit my body the way that I want in the modern day but it's next to impossible to find the shapes that I want in true vintage fashion. I'm also very turned off by the super heavy polyester that was used a lot in the '60s and '70s; I much prefer my fabrics to be breathable, light and airy.

With that being said, it can also be exceptionally hard to find trend pieces at plus size shops. Places like ASOS are great for it, but their sizing can be hard to navigate and I'm always afraid that I'll be over it by the time the item arrives. I've been loving the '70s vibes that a lot of different designers and high street stores have been throwing off but I've been having difficulty finding similar pieces in over a size 14. In Canada, at least.

I went to visit my parents in Florida just under a month ago and my mother and I went shopping a handful of times. The Canadian dollar is horrible compared to the American one right now, so I knew that I had to shop smart. We mostly went to places like TJ Maxx, Burlington Coat Factory and Ross. I wasn't expecting to find too much on this trip, but I did luck out on a great few pieces. I wholeheartedly believe that the dress pictured below was one of my best finds from my recent rendezvous in Florida.

I'm absolutely loving the vintage feel of it. I could die for the bell sleeves and detailed neckline. The colour, while it's not everyone's cup of tea, is something that I wanted to incorporate into my wardrobe for quite some time now. I absolutely love this dress. It's a pretty big leap outside of my comfort zone, but I embrace the chance of pace. I'm ecstatic that I finally found a piece in my size that plays into the whole '70s revival that's happening right now. I picked it up at Ross for around $16 USD.

Although I love the dress, this was the first time that I wore it out. It wrinkles really easily (as seen on my arm in the first picture) and it is a bit too low cut for what I'm typically comfortable with. I'm hoping to get over those fears so that I can wear it a lot this summer. I can totally picture wearing it to a music festival or picnic.

DRESS/ True Destiny NECKLACE/ H&M SOCKS/ New Look
SHOES/ H&M BAG/ Longchamp

Photos by Aurelia Cerquozzi

133/ SATURDAZE

We're seventeen days into 2016 and this is my first official post of the year. #bloggingfail

This is an outfit that I wore out last night with my best friend, Laura. Our original plan was to go to a Drake themed night that they were holding at a local bar. We drove by, saw the huge line up, and then started discussing what else we could do. We ended up grabbing drinks at a small Greek restaurant in Little Italy. We had a great time chatting about our next adventures while sipping on sage and basil flavoured cocktails. 

I scored this red satiny bomber jacket off of eBay a couple of years ago and I've been in love with in ever since. I go in phases with wearing it but it is something that's always on my mind. I love how Versace-esque it is and it's a great length and fit. It's something that generates a lot of attention and I believe that it pairs well with an otherwise all black ensemble - so that's exactly what I did.

I threw the bomber jacket on top of my favourite dress from Forever 21+. This dress is a life saver! I adore wearing it on nights where I want to look good but don't have the time or energy to put together a killer outfit. I've worn it on many occasions; it's a very versatile piece that looks different almost every time I wear it.

JACKET/ via eBay DRESS/ Forever 21+ LEGGINGS/ ASOS Curve 

BOOTS/ H&M BAG/ Old Navy

Photos by Laura Kidd and editing done by me