163/ NEON SUMMER

I bought this neon duster years ago and I remember that day vividly. My friends and I were shopping at H&M in Montreal (before H&M came to Ottawa) and I found it on the sales rack. I wasn't going to get it because I thought that I'd never actually wear it. Two of my friends, and the $5 price tag, convinced me that I needed it in my life.

It has since become a staple in my summer wardrobe. I have blogged about this piece a lot (1,2,3) and I love it more and more each year. I've worn it to the beach, on dates, to work, to music festivals and just about everywhere in between.

I originally hesitated to buy it because I have always been told that as a fat person, I should aim to take up as little space as possible. To go unnoticed, to stay out of everyone's way and to blend in. This neon duster is a huge middle finger to all of that nonsense. I deserve to be seen, I deserve to take up space and I deserve to rock the bright pieces that I love.

DUSTER/ H&M TOP/ Forever 21+ PANTS/ Penningtons (similar)
SHOES/ Urban Outfitters BAG CHARM/ Ardene
HANDBAG/ Louis Vuitton Multicolore Pochette (via consignment // similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

FORTY-FIVE/ camouflage

My blog content has been lacking lately and the truth is that nothing in my wardrobe has been exciting me. Maybe it's fact that the weather has been to hot, humid and rainy to wear anything or maybe it's the fact that I haven't gone shopping in what seems like forever. Getting dressed in the summer always seems like the biggest chore for me because I have to take several factors into consideration. First of all, how hot will it be? What about the humidex? Is it going to rain? Will I be out until late, because it gets so much cooler in the evening. If it's hot, I need to wear cotton or another fabric that breathes. Can I wear shorts? Should I wear a dress, if so, what about chaffing? The list of questions goes on and on and when I finally reach the end of that checklist I'm running late and just throw on whatever I see first. It's a nasty cycle.

With all that being said, I find myself gravitating towards this camouflage jacket more often than not when it's a bit chillier outside. I know the piece is probably the biggest blogger cliche right now but I still adore it. The absolute most important thing to me when it comes to picking out what to wear is how I feel in a piece and this jacket makes me feel like a bad ass. Other than that factor, I love how it's cotton and I can roll up the sleeves. All of the colours on this jacket can be matched with pretty much any other colour but obviously I chose all black. I've been stupid lately and I've been wearing my Dr. Marten boots in 40+ degree weather but I switched it up for this post and wore my Doc shoes instead; they really show off the ankle length and the skinniness of the jeans while rescuing my ankles from the heat. I polished it all off with some of my favourite gold-tone accessories.

JACKET/ eBay TOP/ Thrifted JEANS/ New Look SHOES/ Dr. Martens

* All pictures were taken by Michael Tundo and Jessie Larabie.

TWENTY-TWO/ arm insecurities

These pictures were taken many months ago when the weather was still sunny, my hair wasn't grown out and when I had both of my Toms (the left once has since been lost). I'm looking back on these photos and as ridiculous as this sounds, I never blogged them because of my arms.

I have fat arms. I have fat everything else too, and I've been okay with that for pretty much my entire life. I even learned at an early age to embrace my size but I can never remember a time where I was comfortable with my arms. And much like other people who hate their arms, I used to wear long sleeves and sometimes even thick hoodies in the summer to hide my arms. A couple of years ago I realized how silly that was, an extra layer of clothing isn't going to fool anybody so why suffer in 30 degree weather while wearing it? Looking back, I have no idea why I was so ashamed to post these pictures. I lived in this vest the entire summer and I even wore it in this post. I wear sleeveless or short sleeved shirts all the time, so why was I so afraid to have another actual picture documenting it? That is totally uncharacteristic of me, but here we are. Although I'm aware that this insecurity will probably always be present in my life, I'm going to try and make it a point to never let it hold me back again. They are definitely not my favourite features, I'm sure they never will be, but they're mine and I can't keep hiding from them..

TOP&VEST/ Forever 21 SKIRT/ Gifted SHOES/ Toms
SCARF/ H&M ACCESSORIES/ Various
WATCH/ Michael Kors

All pictures were taken by Laura Kidd and Michael Tundo.
* I did call myself 'fat' in this post but I don't see that as a negative term, nor did I use it or post this post so people can message me and tell me how ~skinny~ I actually am. I'm not skinny, I never will be, and I'm fully aware of that and I truly am happy with myself. I did this post because I wanted to get over my fear of my arms, if that makes any sense. A lot of times I'm overly confident as well and this is to to also prove that I too am insecure some of the time. The embarrassment I have towards my arms is something I'm constantly working on and I hope this post will give me confident to go sleeveless in more posts in the future.