NINETY-ONE/ a fever you can't sweat out

Truth be told, the pictures below were taken in July. I almost wore this outfit out to a friend's birthday (at a disco themed night called 'fever' at a local bar) but I frantically changed right after these photos were taken. Why? Because I hated how I looked. When I looked at these pictures on Laura's camera, I felt sick. I hated how I looked in the top and I didn't feel like my usual confident self. It was definitely a moment of weakness but that's something we all fall victim to sometimes.

Looking back, changing my outfit wasn't the best option. I truly loved this look, I just didn't like how it looked on me at the time. Instead I went with a basic dress and I felt boring the entire night. I should have let my personality shine through, I should have remained strong... but I let my insecurities win.

In general, I'm not typically the person who worries if something is flattering or not but it does happen from time to time. I used to beat myself up over it when it would happen, but I've come that those moments of doubt are okay and that they're human.

When I look back on these pictures, I don't see what I saw that day. I see someone who is confident, strong and fierce. I'll have to make it a point to wear this outfit out on a different day and I will rock it with every ounce of strength that I know I have.

TOP/ Brand Unknown (thrifted) LEGGINGS/ American Apparel 

BAG/ H&M SHOES/ New Look

Photos by Laura Kidd

TWENTY-TWO/ arm insecurities

These pictures were taken many months ago when the weather was still sunny, my hair wasn't grown out and when I had both of my Toms (the left once has since been lost). I'm looking back on these photos and as ridiculous as this sounds, I never blogged them because of my arms.

I have fat arms. I have fat everything else too, and I've been okay with that for pretty much my entire life. I even learned at an early age to embrace my size but I can never remember a time where I was comfortable with my arms. And much like other people who hate their arms, I used to wear long sleeves and sometimes even thick hoodies in the summer to hide my arms. A couple of years ago I realized how silly that was, an extra layer of clothing isn't going to fool anybody so why suffer in 30 degree weather while wearing it? Looking back, I have no idea why I was so ashamed to post these pictures. I lived in this vest the entire summer and I even wore it in this post. I wear sleeveless or short sleeved shirts all the time, so why was I so afraid to have another actual picture documenting it? That is totally uncharacteristic of me, but here we are. Although I'm aware that this insecurity will probably always be present in my life, I'm going to try and make it a point to never let it hold me back again. They are definitely not my favourite features, I'm sure they never will be, but they're mine and I can't keep hiding from them..

TOP&VEST/ Forever 21 SKIRT/ Gifted SHOES/ Toms
SCARF/ H&M ACCESSORIES/ Various
WATCH/ Michael Kors

All pictures were taken by Laura Kidd and Michael Tundo.
* I did call myself 'fat' in this post but I don't see that as a negative term, nor did I use it or post this post so people can message me and tell me how ~skinny~ I actually am. I'm not skinny, I never will be, and I'm fully aware of that and I truly am happy with myself. I did this post because I wanted to get over my fear of my arms, if that makes any sense. A lot of times I'm overly confident as well and this is to to also prove that I too am insecure some of the time. The embarrassment I have towards my arms is something I'm constantly working on and I hope this post will give me confident to go sleeveless in more posts in the future.