167/ DARE TO WEAR

I’m instantly drawn to silhouettes that I’ve been told to steer clear of. I love big, boxy, oversized pieces of clothing that swallow my body whole. I’m extremely inspired by people who constantly break fashion moulds and go against the grain. I yearn to wear stripes that make me look wider, or shorter, depending on the direction. I lust over itty bitty crop tops, that I've been told my entire life aren't made for ~fat girls like me~, paired with extremely wide leg trousers. 

People always try to tell me that fashion has its own set of rules but I’ve never been one to play by them. Fashion is better when it is unexpected. Personal style can be uplifted, remodelled and reworked until it is living art. That's something that I truly believe. That concept is what I base my entire blog on and that's what runs through my mind when getting dressed every morning. Although my personal style is definitely more minimalist than maximalist I try to play with minimal designs until I make them my own - that's what I'm comfortable with and that's what makes me happy.

I live to wear anything out of the ordinary. 

I long to make a statement with my clothing. 

I love to give the (metaphorical) finger to those who said I shouldn't or that I can't wear what I like.

TOP/ Torrid (similar) JACKET/ Addition Elle (similar) CULOTTES/ H&M+ (similar)

BOOTS/ Union Bay (similar) HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff

Photos by Laura Kidd

166/ ROCK'N'ROLL BARBIE

These pictures were taken on one of my last weekends in Ottawa. I decided to switch up my hair before my big move and I could not be happier with the results! Having short hair really cuts down the amount of time I need in the morning to get ready and it was a great way to refresh my style.

I wore this look to debut my new hair and to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday. We went for Greek food with a bunch of her friends and then to Greekfest after for some dancing. It was such a fun time!!

I've worn this tutu a handful of times (and I've blogged about it here) and I just adore it. The skirt paired with my cropped faux leather jacket is match made in heaven; it makes me feel very rock'n'roll Barbie and that's honestly something that I strive for on a daily basis. It's cartoonish without being too childish and rocker while still being femme / without being too aggressive. I feel more like myself in this outfit than in anything else and I think you can really tell by the expression on my face in the pictures below. I feel comfortable, relaxed and myself - and that's truly the best look of all.

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TANK/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Freckles SHOES/ Betsey Johnson

HANDBAG/ Alexander Wang 'Mini Rockie' BAG CHARM/ Forever 21(similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

165/ CHANGES

These pictures have been sitting on my computer for far too long. I took these back in August and so much has changed since then. I have been MIA from the blog for a bit, but not without good reason. I quit my job. I moved cities. I'm going back to school. I'm doing this all at the age of 25.

For someone who is absolutely terrified of change, this is huge for me. My life back in Ottawa was so comfortable. I was surrounded by people that I love (and that love me), I was at the same job that I enjoyed working for nearly six years (!!!), my life was perfectly routine and secure. I was happy but I needed something that scared me - I needed a change.

So here I am, writing this blog post in a cafe around the corner from my new place in Toronto. It's scary terrifying, but I'm confident in my decision and I can't wait to see where this adventure takes me.

TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Burlington Coat Factory 

SHOES/ H&M BAG/ Thrifted (no brand)

Photos by Sue Waugh

164/ ON REPEAT

I've talked about outfit repeating several times on this blog - it's something that I do often and it's something that I've never been ashamed about. I never understood why ~fashion~ people look down upon it. If I own pieces that I love, I'm going to wear them. A lot.

This look is tweaked version of what I wore in a recent post. It's something that I feel both comfortable and confident in so I decided to wear it again. And again... And again... And again.

I sometimes swap out statement or outerwear pieces so that the looks aren't exactly the same. Like in this look vs what I wore in my post about anxiety - the basics are the same (I'm wearing the exact same top and skirt) but I switched the faux leather jacket for a floral duster and I swapped out the accessories. Making simple adjustments to an outfit that you already adore is a great way to breathe more life into it. It's also a great way to make use out of things that you already own.

This fringed floral duster from the Melissa McCarthy x Seven7 line is everything I want in a piece of clothing and more. I love how it adds character to plain and boring outfits. It's so bold and eccentric that it goes with everything, it even looks fabulous with pieces that it clashes with. I consider this look a bit more fun and it's definitely more suitable for the day time compared to the leather jacket look. I've been dying to wear this duster and I finally found the perfect day to do so. I bought it at the end of the season on super sale last year and it's just been sitting in my closet taunting me since. The weather here has been rainy and gloomy until recently so I couldn't justify breaking this bad boy out. Expect to see it a lot now that summer weather is officially here. 

DUSTER/ Melissa McCarthy x Seven7 via Penningtons TOP/ Forever 21+
SKIRT/ Penningtons (similar) BELT/ Addition Elle (similar) SHOES/ Vans

HANDBAG/ H&M (similar) LIPSTICK/ Fuchsia by Joe Fresh

SUNGLASSES/ eyebuydirect

Photos by Laura Kidd

163/ NEON SUMMER

I bought this neon duster years ago and I remember that day vividly. My friends and I were shopping at H&M in Montreal (before H&M came to Ottawa) and I found it on the sales rack. I wasn't going to get it because I thought that I'd never actually wear it. Two of my friends, and the $5 price tag, convinced me that I needed it in my life.

It has since become a staple in my summer wardrobe. I have blogged about this piece a lot (1,2,3) and I love it more and more each year. I've worn it to the beach, on dates, to work, to music festivals and just about everywhere in between.

I originally hesitated to buy it because I have always been told that as a fat person, I should aim to take up as little space as possible. To go unnoticed, to stay out of everyone's way and to blend in. This neon duster is a huge middle finger to all of that nonsense. I deserve to be seen, I deserve to take up space and I deserve to rock the bright pieces that I love.

DUSTER/ H&M TOP/ Forever 21+ PANTS/ Penningtons (similar)
SHOES/ Urban Outfitters BAG CHARM/ Ardene
HANDBAG/ Louis Vuitton Multicolore Pochette (via consignment // similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

162/ LIVING WITH ANXIETY

I've been sitting here trying to figure out what to write for this post for what seems like forever. To add some context - these pictures were taken two weeks ago. I keep going back and forth trying to decide between writing about the outfit itself or the anxiety attack that I experienced that night. In one of my latest posts (Beyond the Instagram) I discussed being more honest with myself and with my social media so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I have lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It has always been a constant and dependable thing in my life. It comes in many forms, but I mainly live with social anxiety. I'm a textbook introvert and can be extremely shy at times - all of this tied in with being anxious in social settings has affected my life in more ways than I care to admit. It's still not an easy thing for me to talk about, but I think it's important for me to do so.

I have good days and bad days. Some days I can go out, talk to new people and do all of the things that I want to do but some days I just can't. I can't put into words how difficult that can be. It's like there's a road block or a fence; you're standing on the other side, wanting to participate, you can see everybody else having a good time but you just can't. The night that these pictures were taken was one of those nights.

It started out well. I was having a good time and I was surrounded by some of my closest friends, some of the people that I feel the most safe around. But anxiety doesn't care about that sort of thing. We were at a club that I am semi familiar with (I've been a handful of times) but the second that I stepped out for fresh air, it all hit me. I began to panic. There are too many people in the club. It's too hot in the club. I don't know the music. I don't want to talk to anyone or look at anyone. There are people everywhere. When I (reluctantly) reentered the club, I felt the walls closing in. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. That is an absolute horrible feeling and I'm sorry if that's something that you can relate to. I grabbed my friend, Michael, by the arm the second we reentered and told him we had to leave ASAP. I found the rest of our group on the dance floor and explained the situation.

I'm extremely fortunate to be surrounded by people who understand what it's like to live with anxiety disorders. My friends were all understanding. Michael and I left that bar and headed to one that I was more comfortable being in. We ended the night by dancing to Beyonce and Rihanna and I was finally to able to breathe. It took a bit of time, but I finally felt at ease.

Knowing my surroundings and being surrounded by people that I feel safe around are key for me during anxiety attacks. I had a pretty mild attack that night and something small like a change of scenery was all that I needed, but sometimes it takes a lot more to feel comfortable and safe.

I just want to throw it out there that if you've ever felt like this, you are not alone. Anxiety is a painful and scary thing to live with. It comes in many forms and has ton of different symptoms. This just scratches the surface for me. It can feel like a cruel joke when a social event that I've been excited about for months turns into a nightmare, sometimes without a distinct trigger, and it's not fair. It can feel like a joke, but it's 100% real. Nothing about it is fair but it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

*** There are a ton of great resources online if you'd like to read more about what anxiety is or how to care for yourself during an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks are extremely personal things, meaning that no two people will experience it the same way. What works for me may not work for you. What works for you sometimes may not work for you other times. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed about. Seeing someone like a doctor or counsellor, while it is not for everyone, can be an important step for some people. You are not weak for living with anxiety (or any other mental illness), you are not weak for seeking help, you are not weak for doing what you need to do during an attack and your feelings during anxiety attacks are 100% valid. 

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Penningtons (similar)

TIGHTS/ Addition Elle (similar) SHOES/ Old Navy (thrifted / similar)
HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff LIPSTICK/ Sephora 'Cream Lip Stain' in 001 Always Red

Photos by Michael Tundo

161/ BREAK THE RULES

I've been told time and time again that fat bodies shouldn't wear baggy clothes but here I am loving life, looking great and not having a single care. I love to play around with different shapes, patterns and silhouettes.

Fashion and personal style, to me anyways, is about what makes me happy and never about what people expect of me. The second that I started dressing for me, and not for anyone else, was the second that I really started loving what I was wearing. My confidence levels soar when I'm wearing an outfit that I love and that confidence continues into other aspects off my life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wore this look to my friend Michael's birthday a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't feeling my best so I was looking to wear something a bit dramatic to hopefully distract people from how dead I looked and felt. This is what I came up with and I'm super happy with it. 

I love how big and boxy these pants are. They're nothing like the typical skin tight black skinny jeans that I'm used to wearing. The length, much like me, is awkward as hell. That's okay, though, because I love when I'm able to show off a bit of ankle.

The pointed toe Chelsea boots that I've paired with this look are a thrift store find and I wear them almost every chance I get - they're about as high as I can go in a heel and I've learned to accept that.

Ok but this top. THIS TOP!! This top makes me look bigger than I am and that's something that I absolutely love about it. It definitely isn't a flattering piece, but if you know me, you know that's something I have never cared about. Gingham is one of my true loves and the dramatic peplum is something that my wardrobe was lacking. This is definitely a piece that I can just throw on and look put together. It's the perfect statement and I can't remember the last time that I was this in love with a something in my wardrobe.

The burgundy moto jacket and my studded Alexander Wang bag are the two pieces that tie everything together and give this ensemble my signature edge.

JACKET/ Love & Legend (similar) TOP/ Victoria Beckham x Target

PANTS/ H&M+ (similar) BOOTS/ Old Navy (thrifted - similar)

HANDBAG/ Alexander Wang Mini Rockie

Photos by Laura Kidd

160/ BEYOND THE INSTAGRAM

Social media can be very misleading sometimes. Take the day that these pictures were taken for example. My friends and I planned on going to a fair that was happening down the street from my house. We went out to dinner beforehand, the dinner wasn't the best and we were sitting on the patio even though it was cold outside and we were all freezing. But of course we had to take Snaps of us sipping sangria like we were having the time of our lives. After dinner we headed to the fair where Laura and I took these pictures. We went in with the intention of staying for awhile, grabbing some treats and going on some rides but it just didn't work out. The fair, of course, was child sized and the probability of us even fitting on the rides was slim to none. We did, however, buy a bucket of donuts. After we ate our donuts and snapped some pictures, we went home.

We still had a really good time and we were laughing about everything as it happened but a lightbulb sort of went off in my head after. If you were to view any of my social media from that day it would have looked like we were having the time of our lives even though almost nothing went right behind the scenes. I try to display my most authentic self on my social media accounts but sometimes I slip up and I don't realize what I'm doing. There's often a thin line between reality and what we put out there in the social world. Even if you try your best to be conscious about what you're putting out there, it isn't always 100% real. It's almost impossible to be 100% real.

I try my best to post pictures of me without makeup or of Snapchats of me doing mundane things, but it's still just a highlights reel. Even though I'm fairly confident in myself and my sometimes boring life, I would never post pictures of me at my worst. Yes, I'll post filterless makeup free pictures, but only when my skin or hair is cooperating that day. Yes, I'll post pictures of my bedroom and videos of my friends being goofy, but that's after I cleaned up my space or chose the exact right moment to hit record. I would never post raw pictures of me at my worst. You'll never see a sleepless night or a picture during or after a breakdown on any of my social media. (Tweets and the odd Tumblr post are the exception)

I'm not writing this to expose myself or anybody else - I'm just writing this to tell people to take everything with a grain of salt. Like most things in life, you don't really know the whole story. Social media has a way of making things look flawless, fun and sometimes it can make the person on the other end (the person viewing these posts) feel like they're missing out. That feeling is totally understandable, it's something that everyone goes through now and then, but it's important to take a step back and to remember that there's more than meets the eye.

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) TOP/ Forever 21+ (similar) SKIRT/ JCPenney (similar)

HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff SHOES/ Nike (similar)

Photos by Laura Kidd

159/ DRESSING UP AS SELF CARE

Dressing up is a huge part of self care for me.

I haven't been feeling my best lately. Physically, and as a result of that, mentally as well. The only thing that allows me to escape for a bit is dressing up. Sitting down and doing my makeup, planning a killer outfit and watching it all come to life is my saving grace right now. It may seem superficial to some, but it's an important self care step for me.

I'm trying to be a bit more daring with my looks lately. I have more spare time lately and I'm spending a lot more time at home (because of my health), so I have a bit more time to experiment with looks. I'm really into mixing patterns at the moment. For this look I kept it kind of simple and went with a floral dress (that I wear a minimum of once a week #sorrynotsorry) and my Alexander McQueen skull scarf.

JACKET/ Michel Studio (similar) DRESS/ Torrid (similar) BOOTS/ Old Navy (similar) 

HANDBAG/ Rebecca Minkoff (via consignment) SCARF/ Alexander McQueen

Photos by Sue Waugh

157/ MAKING GOOD ON MY RESOLUTIONS

I'm trying to make good on my New Year's resolutions. 

It has been rewarding, albeit a bit difficult. 

Let me explain: I live with social anxiety. Meeting new people and making small talk is not easy extremely stressful for me. I'm trying to put myself out there more and I'm taking small steps to do that. Blogging has always been about community for me and that's why I love it. It's a whole lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone that has a known similar interest to you. So with that being said, I've been trying (my best) to converse with other bloggers and to collaborate with them. This past weekend I met up with a new blogger in Ottawa, Chelsea, to grab coffee and snap some pictures for each other's blogs. It was such a lovely afternoon and I'm so happy that she reached out to me.

In my New Year's post I talked about reaching out to both old friends and new friends and I'm pretty happy with the progress that I've made on that front. I also discussed stepping out of my comfort zone in terms of my fashion choices. I haven't exactly lived up to that just yet but there are a few exciting (and edgy) #ootd posts coming up shortly. I kept it pretty simple for this look, though. I stuck to wearing a lot of my favourite pieces because that's what I feel most comfortable in, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I have been wearing a lot of grey lately. I used to be drawn to all black ensembles but I love how grey adds a bit of depth to those kinds of looks. I've talked about this coat from H&M 101 times but my love for it is still going strong. This large pukey coloured scarf is a new addition to my wardrobe, though. If you know me, you know I'm drawn to anything that can be described as ugly and I think that the colour of this scarf fits that description perfectly. I'm a fan of how unexpected it is and how it has the ability to go with everything. I tend to wear this scarf when I'm wearing lilac lipstick; I think the combination of those two colours + the blue in my hair is a match made in heaven. The black skinny jeans that I wore, along with my Dr. Marten boots, are fairly standard in my outfit posts (and in my life) because they work perfectly with just about everything in my wardrobe. I'm trying to make changes in my life and in the way I see/approach things, but some things are bound to stay the same. And that's okay too.

HAT&SCARF&COAT&TOP/ H&M JEANS/ Forever 21+

HANDBAG/ 3.1 Phillip Lim 'medium Pashli' BOOTS/ Dr. Martens

Photos by Chelsea Lanthier

155/ NEW YEAR NEW ME?

New Years Eve, to me, has always been an excuse to dress as glamorous as humanly possible and indulge in champagne. That's it, that's all. I never really understood the whole 'new year new me' way of thinking but after the hellish year that was 2016, I'm willing to give it a shot.

I'm determined to go into the new year with a better attitude. I'm trying to find more positives in the world and I'm hanging onto them for dear life.

I'm trying to focus on the beauty in the world. I'm determined to surround myself with beautiful art, beautiful souls and beautiful scenery. I'm hoping to get back into photography, it was my passion when I was younger and it allowed me to find beauty in everything.

I changed my hair for the new year. It's not uncommon for people to change their hair after a traumatic/big event and I decided to give into that. 2016 was not a good year for me by any stretch of the imagination and I'm ready for change. My hair is purple (for now) and I'm absolutely loving it. It has given me a much needed boost of confidence and it is definitely helping my creative side come back to life.

It's no secret that fashion is a huge part of my life and this year I'm hoping to take more fashion risks. I typically stick to a strict uniform of all black paired with loud accessories. I do love that look but I'm hoping to shake it up a bit in the new year. Think bold colours, different textures and unconventional silhouettes. I'm saying this on a post where I'm pictured wearing head to toe black, but I'm hoping that these #ootd posts will be few and far between in 2017.

I'm going to try to connect with more people this year too - be it other bloggers, new friends, old friends, complete strangers or whoever. This post is actually in collaboration with a fantastic blogger, Amber from Fatshion by the Pounds. I see her on Instragram daily and I read her blog whenever she posts because her personal style is so inspiring to me. I think it is incredibly important to connect with and talk to people with similar passions so I'm hoping to make more connections/friendships in this coming year. Living with social anxiety makes this especially hard but I'm finding ways to live with it. Self care is important in that respect, but that's a different post for a different time.

Overall I'm reaching for the stars in 2017. I'm going into the new year with my (purple) head held high. I strongly believe that everything that I've personally dealt with within the past 365 days has prepared me for a new tomorrow and I'm excited for new adventures, new attitudes and new ambitions.

TOP&PANTS/ Melissa McCarthy x Seven7 NECKLACE/ Forever 21 

HANDBAG/ H&M SHOES/ Cute To The Core

Photos by Lisa and Laura Kidd

Hair by Nessa

154/ HOW I STYLE A PLEATED SKIRT

Pleated skirts have the ability to elevate an ensemble. They effortlessly mix textures, materials and designs. I love how they add a bit of luxe to a look as well. For this outfit I paired my skirt with a classic striped top, my new favourite burgundy moto jacket, a pair of chelsea boots and a beaded handbag for some added personality.

I'm not really one to follow trends but this is one that I can really get behind. I have a shorter one (pictured below) and a midi length one in my collection and I'm really hoping to expand. I love how you can dress this trend up with a glitzy top or dress it down with a band tee. I love how versatile this trend is and I'm always on the hunt for more. I could honestly live in this kind of skirt - it's comfortable while still looking chic. If that's not perfection, I don't know what is.

Although there are a few pleated skirts on ASOS that I'm lusting over, you really don't have to spend a lot of money to play with this trend. I found my longer one (that I've blogger about here and here) at a thrift store years ago, and I'm constantly finding pieces in similar materials and cuts almost every time I thrift. The market is currently saturated with these skirts and I'm 100% here for it. A lot of fast fashion / high street brands are fully stocked with a wide range of colours and textures too. It's always fun to me to see how different people or different retailer style pieces, so I'm watching this trend like a hawk to get more and more inspiration.

This is one trend that I don't see fading any time soon, and even if it does I'll still rock the hell out of it. I really just love it that much.

JACKET/ Love & Legends TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Michel Studio 

BOOTS/ Old Navy (thrifted) HANDBAG/ H&M HAIR CLIPS/ Dollarama

Photos by Derek Waugh

153/ WHAT I WORE TO THE OTTAWA VINTAGE SHOW

I attended the Ottawa Vintage Clothing Show last weekend with my best friend, Laura, and our good friend, Michael. Unfortunately I didn't come home with any goodies this time around, but we still had blast!

It took me forever to get dressed that day. I'm usually the kind of person to throw something on in a hurry so if you give me a little bit of wiggle room to try to put thought into an outfit, it's going to take a life time.

152/ 90's x 90's

This is a 90's inspired outfit to go with my new 90's inspired hair. The fuzzy sweater paired with the dainty floral patterned dress and Dr. Martens boots is a great combination. I've been feeling very uninspired with my wardrobe lately but I can always depend on an all black outfit to make me look fab and feel comfortable.

My new hair is my new favourite thing. I had to get a haircut, I absolutely hated it at the length that it was at. I have a lot of hair, and it's extremely thick, so it can be very difficult to manage. It's a lot easier to style when it's at this length and I couldn't be happier about that. Although it's not the most drastic change, I'm still really thrilled about it.

DRESS&SWEATER&NECKLACE/ H&M LEGGINGS/ ASOS Curve

SHOES/ Dr. Martens LIPSTICK/ Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in 'Mercy'

Photos by Sue Waugh / Edits by me

151/ SUPERSTAR

There are so many different elements to this outfit that I'm absolutely in love with.

Let's talk about the skirt. I adore how it hits just below the knee and the pleats look fantastic when the wind picks up a little. It was a thrifted piece that I'm happy to have found. I wear it constantly and it can be worn with just about anything in my wardrobe. I've dressed it up, I've dressed it down and I keep coming back to it.

The jacket is something that I found on consignment. I've worn it in a ton of different posts. It's fitted and the coated denim, mixed with the moto cut, gives it a rock'n'roll feel. It's perfect to layer on those not so cold but still brisk autumn days. Eileen Fisher is my favourite clothing brand but it is completely out of my budget so I always look for it secondhand.

The backpack and the shoes were recent purchases. I bought them both last week and I've worn them every day since they came into my life. I really don't know what I did, or what I wore, before I got them.

The Adidas Superstar shoes were on my 'to buy' list for years and years and I don't know why I didn't take the plunge before. They are the most comfortable shoes that I currently own and they're incredibly timeless. I know that I will be wearing them until the soles wear out and when that happens I'll definitely run out to the store to pick up a replacement. 

The Matt & Nat backpack is something that I've been coveting for awhile now, too. I'm thrilled that I waited on this, though. I was ready to buy it full price but something in me kept telling me to hold off. It finally came into my life by the way of consignment and I couldn't be more in love with it. It is able to carry all of my belongings without feeling too heavy and it looks and feels chic with every outfit.

JACKET/ Eileen Fisher TOP/ Forever 21+ SKIRT/ Thrifted (no brand) 

SHOES/ Adidas Superstars BAG/ Matt & Nat NECKLACE/ H&M

LIPSTICK/ Too Faced 'Melted Violet'

Photos by Chris MacMartin